osakarob's blog

You've had a number of incredibly memorable matches, right? Perhaps even some that you've secretly replayed over and over again in your mind because they were so enjoyable. Everything about them was right: the opponent was perfect, the action was hot, and the outcome left a strong, positive memory for you to cherish for years.

A recent encounter with a new opponent got me thinking about the opposite: how many matches do we engage in across our wrestling lifetimes that leave no meaningful impression on us? Those matches that, in hindsight, seem like mere transactions: two bodies colliding for an hour or two - and then quickly forgotten.

My new friend and I had finished an hour of sweaty battling and at the end I remarked "You've had a lot of opponents. Which were most memorable for you?" As we all are apt to do, he pulled out his phone to MF and proceeded to scroll through his past opponents - a list of about 100 acquired over a decade or more - making comments about this one or that one.

As he named each one, he made a really brief comment: either positive or negative. But there were a significant number that he said he had no memory of! They were...utterly forgettable.

Several days later, I interacted with a headless torso on Twitter who messaged me indicating that we had met for a match 20 years earlier. "Did I remember him?" he wondered. Even after he had supplied his face pic, I had only a vague memory of the match. Naturally, I turned my curiosity inward. "I wonder how many of my own former opponents would rate the matches I've had with them as being unremarkable?" A good number I suspect.

So, I decided to write this and ask the wisdom of the MF group: What makes for a memorable match? Why do remember some way more than others? And, in the end, does it matter either way as long as both leave reasonably satisfied?

A recent match with a tough wrestler from Chicago reminded me of an important concept: your love of fighting will forever require coordination. Not coordination as in balance; coordination as in your ability to set up meetings with strangers and make them memorable.

Between bouts of dominating me into submission, my opponent shared his fighting history. Like most men, he engaged in youthful roughhousing during his teen and college years. And like many of us, his first coordinated matches with strangers made him nervous and a bit scared. He knew deep down that his desire for masculine combat was an appreciated part of his masculinity and easily satiated by joining a jiu-jitsu club. But he also acknowledged that the feelings were also primal and erotic. His desires for fighting became jumbled and intertwined with his desires for men generally. Matches that culminated in sexual release certainly weren’t requisite. But they definitely became the most memorable ones. Today, he reaps the bounty of a network of dozens of trusted past opponents all around the country and the world. He’s had multiple matches with his favorites over several decades.

I wanted to ask him directly “To what do you attribute your high success rate in finding the specific kind of opponent that you like?” But in fact, his secret was revealed in a side conversation about his professional life: He knows precisely what he wants. He can articulate it well. And then he coordinates all the details in his life to make it happen – sparing no expense to get exactly whatever outcome he desires.

Intuitively, I knew he applied the same rigor to his wrestling passion: when he sees a match opportunity that he wants – he freely and generously allocates time and financial resources to connect with his desired opponent. He asks probing questions to ensure “fit”. But once he’s established that “this is someone I want to meet”, he relentlessly manages his time to maximize these opportunities. He recognizes that clarity of purpose is essential for leading the kind of life he wants both in business and in the ring. In the case of our match, he added an entire day onto his business trip, booked a larger suite to ensure room for fighting, and probably even missed an important meeting to be with me.

That made me feel special. And I had to acknowledge that this match wasn’t just like all the others. He really wanted to spend time with me.

I left our match humbled by my repeated defeats but invigorated by the time I spent with this guy. I wondered why we spent so much time talking about fighting and our personal lives before we even locked up. Afterwards, however, I realized this too was part of his laser-focused approach to match coordination. He invests in the relationships first so that will ensure that both opponents feel comfortable and excited during match. Intimacy and trust are essential ingredients for meeting strangers for matches that have an erotic component. And my friend clearly realized that those ingredients must be timed – or coordinated – in the right order to make the final product truly excellent.

The experience re-affirmed in me that however I coordinate future matches, I want to apply the same principles this guy does.

Question for some of the older fighters here on MF: Do you have a long-running "regular" opponent who you meet up with for matches somewhat frequently? I'm wondering who's got the longest-running battle streak with the same opponent or opponents?

I know there's a natural covid-gap for the pandemic. But putting that aside, who do you battle with regularly and for how long have you been doing it? I'm also a little curious to know "why" we continue on year after year with certain ones. What makes them the special ones?