hephaestion2014's blog

So the year is drawing to a close, and certainly having had my last match of the year - my wrestling year has ended.

Not just in world events but in my wrestling, it's been an odd year. It has had a few highs and lows.

Every match and every opponent has been great. I've managed to finally wrestle some guys I've been in awe of ever since I joined the site. Manchester will forever have a special place because of this :)

And have made some new wrestling mates as well as good friends.

Trouble is in meeting so many new opponents and taking on new challenges, the opportunity to reconnect with past opponents hasn't been that great. I do like rematching, because in the first match whilst it's exciting and novelty, with a repeat opponent you can go deeper, go harder and push those limits of what you can and can't take and get much rougher. It's that balance thing.

Of course there's been rejections. That's fine. I had a friend moan a while back about a guy wanting to meet only a certain body type. It's someone's preference and if they don't want to wrestle you - then fine :)

That's not to say rejection doesn't sting.

I've been blanked at a meet whilst a wrestler introduced himself to the thinner guys either side of me. Think I might have been wearing Harry Potter's Invisibility cloak then. It stung, but only temporarily and I was proud of myself for being as philosophical about it in person as I claim to be on here. I appreciated my matches with those who did want to wrestle with me even more :)

So yeah, I've been racking up the opponents but not necessarily the wins. I'm going to claim the calibre of my opponents for this, but that's probably not true. The block I had about winning when I first joined is still here. I don't have the skills yet, or the technique yet to win against a lot of the people I've fought but i still lack that killer instinct.

I often hear opponents say that in matches, they look at their opponent before the fight as they are squaring up thinking how they are going to destroy them.

Couple of years in, I still don't think like that. I'm working on it though, and Thug Jon is here but he is like the worst tag team partner, rarely taps in and is often missing in action. I'm giving him a talking to next year. People keep telling me that I'm not a jobber so I should prove them right :)

The worst low was writing off the whole summer of wrestling due to a stress fracture in me foot (non wrestling related) Am still impressed I hobbled down to Walthamstow, got into the ring and fought a great guy with what I thought was just a sore foot at the time. I am a Sparta! :)

The best thing about this year?
The last John Cotterill Manchester meet.

Not saying any of my other matches or meets were less enjoyable but for me, it was a private personal triumph.

I have good days, and the occasional bad days when Winston Churchill's Black Dogs are barking. When I just want to stay in bed with the curtains drawn and not talk or do anything with anyone. Just wait till i can go to sleep and the whole horrible day is over.

That day they were barking loudly, but I promised to be there, so I was going to get there no matter what.

My energy levels were low, I was a bit quiet and less chatty than I normally was. My self confidence was low so didn't challenge or in some cases approach those I really wanted to challenge.

But I had an awesome day.
I kicked those dog's butts, even if I didn't my opponents. Yes, wrestling and wrestlers are great, being in the company of people with a shared interest is great.

Feeling connected and part of something is how this site has made me feel this year. Hope it continues in the next.

Have a good whatever celebration you are having. Have a great end of the year, and an awesome 2017. Hope to wrestle some of you next year!

So attended another great group meet at High Barnet, and think its time to proselytize about them again.

Group meets are great. Not only is it a safe and efficient way to meet new wrestlers, but also the social aspect as well as learning stuff too is amazing.

I understand that some people are nervous to go to a group meet, any group meet. I was one of them once. Luckily a past opponent was going to one and offered me a lift. For that I'm forever grateful to that individual ;)

But yes, it can be a daunting experience turning up to a group meet when you've not met anyone before. As soon as you are through the doors, you'll forget all that. If you are nervous, I'd recommend High Barnet meets because Andy is a great host and will make you feel comfortable and at home. I've not been going to the meets at Barnet that long, but it feels like a second home.

The main thing I hear from people reasons for being uncomfortable about attending group meets are :

-What if no-one wants to wrestle me?

Well that's just fear. There will always be someone who is happy to wrestle you.
Look - my hand is up!

Sometimes a little research before the event helps too. Look and read the profiles of the other people going. For example in my case, if I see someone wants to only wrestle lightweight, young or people who are hairy and larger, then I'll probably won't approach them for a match. I'll still have a chat though, as although I might not be their ideal opponent, no reason we can't chat and be friendly. No hard feelings.

- What if someone challenges me that I don't want to wrestle?

Yes, I guess that might happen. If you do have a certain preference for an opponent, this will happen. I'm happy to wrestle everyone so I'll just say the best way it's phrased to me.

You can say "no, thanks" but that sometimes seems a bit brutal in person, but there is a nicer way, and one that I hear a lot ;)

"I'm just having a rest at the moment" "Im a bit tired right now." "I'm pacing myself"

It's a very British solution. I know you are really saying no, you know you are saying no but it's a gentler let down.

Of course sometimes people are tired, resting and pacing themselves - but then it's kind of up to them to rechallenge you.

If you hear those sentences, dont be a dick by keep asking them to wrestle, or then a firm and unambiguous no is definitely called for.

- I'm shy. I don't like wrestling in front of others.

Okay, then yes, certain group meets at certain venues aren't going to be that good for you. Pippas in Manchester has a couple of private matrooms so you can attend the group meets but wrestle in private. That would be the best option.

- What if I get aroused wrestling other people or watching?

Well that sometimes happen. I do the very British thing of not drawing attention to it as long as you don't.

Again, it's about the profile research and the vibes you get from the guy... if he mentions 1) I'm straight 2) Has a boyfriend 3) Only here to wrestle - then if you are humping it against his leg, they may not be best pleased.

But we are all.men, we've all sat on that bus seat with the vibration, we've all had unwanted erections and most of us have an understanding of penises ... so don't stress about it.

Usually you're too focused on wrestling for your mind to go elsewhere.

- What if I'm the worst wrestler there? Everyone will be great and I'm a sack of potatoes.

Yeah, I genuinely struggle with that myself. I still kick myself for not challenging people because I see them as "out of my league"

But again, that's a confidence issue. It's a problem that is easily resolved.

You can only get good at wrestling by actually wrestling. Some people are born wrestlers, the rest of us have to learn it. Tell people you are new to it, and the majority of people will accommodate to you.

There are some good wrestlers who are more than happy to share their knowledge, give you tips and offer advice. You'll easily spot them at the meet, or the other people you are chatting to will point you in their direction.

So that's that. Go. Have fun, and if I can - I'll see you on the mats.

"The problem with you - "

Always a great start to any conversation.

" - is that you are the same on the mats as off!"

Well yeah, I don't suddenly become 7ft tall and the build of a pitbull dog the moment my foot hits the blue mat. I don't suddenly become a glamazon called Cherise that smothers him with my gigantic boobs ... but I kinda get what he means.

I've wrestled a couple of people who before the match and during it feel like two different personaes. The guy who was just apologising for accidentally stepping on my foot as we made our way into the matroom is now calling me a "jobber fucking bitch" and bending my limbs into shapes that I didn't think was physically possible and his grin is getting wider as my pain is increasing.

Not everyone has that marked difference. But they relax into aggression and become a more primal version of themselves.

"You don't let go ... you're holding back ... stop holding back ... "

Perhaps. I've gone over this before and not rehashing it. Brought up believing being gay and fighting/aggression was wrong blah blah wanting to be accepted blah blah not scare an opponent blah blah

"I've got a solution ... wear a mask. Give yourself and your opponent permission to see you differently. A separation between the Jon on and off the mats."

I dunno. Sounds like this might be a conversation I'll be recounting to a trickcyclist on a leather couch after spending a month referring only to myself in the third person ... I dunno

I used to do some acting in my past, sucked at it, but I did find a prop was useful - maybe this will help me break that block I have a teensy bit.

Maybe I'll even not say "sorry" as I'm owning my opponent.

Well, a mask will improve the aesthetic experience for my opponent anyway ;)

So mask on or off? Do you think it'll actually help make me a bastard on the mats?

Do I even want to be a bastard?

Wrestling spaces are great.

I'm kind of over the Travelodge match and find them more a necessary evil than a pleasure. Tell me that there is a matroom or wrestling ring, and I want to go there. Especially when there's a feeling in the air (Nottingham being a case in point) that they feel an endangered species.

So when I get invited to a wrestle by a favourite opponent in Walthamstow, I immediately say yes ... then realise I have no idea where that is.

I know Walthamstow is East 17, so am expecting it to be a land of woollen beanie over sized trousers wearing ecstasy popping pop stars screaming how "it's alright" in "the house of love" ...

Now confession time, my navigational skills are bad. My inner compass is very confused. It took me two trips to Manchester to realise that if I just walked in a straights line from Picadilly (like everyone else) that id be soon in the Gardens .. but no, I see that nice bridge to the left, wander over that then through car parks and court buildings till by accident I come upon the Gardens ... so I'm a teensy bit concerned that the journey to the distant land of Walthamstow will involve jumping many tube lines, eating a bagel at London Bridge whilst I wander around trying to find the tube entrance.

No such problem. I can get on the tube at my beloved Euston and in 15mins be at my station. In fact, my well worn tube map tells me that Walthamstow Central is well connected. So that's a plus. Like High Barnet, I do like an end of the line stop.

Meet my opponent at the entrance to the station after a quick coffee and muffin as a reward to myself for getting on the right line and in the right direction, and after a brief walk, down an alley, door opened and I see the space.

My opponent points out the high ceilings (almost of Edinburgh standard ) and the balcony/viewing space in which you can look down on the action in what my eye has automatically been drawn to, the wrestling ring.

There's a matted area to one side of the space, and the mats feel great and good amount of room to roll around on, but my eye is immediately drawn to the ring. Which is strange because not being a pro guy, the wrestling ring shouldn't have that much appeal to me, but it does ...

Anyone who has ever been with me at Pippas might be surprised at this admission as I'm always ducking the chance to use the ring there, but here and in this space, it kinda seduces you to enter.

So first chance, off into the ring I get. I tentatively put my weight against the ropes, yep, sturdy to take my weight and look at the ring floor itself. Feels comfortable. I'm aware that sometimes boxing rings are used as wrestling rings, and the floor of those can be scratchy and about as pleasant as carpet burns. No such problem here. It's comfortable in that one or two odd times I find myself on my back in the ring, yeah, just the odd one or two or three. Okay, a few times.

Wrestling aside, the space had good facilities. Lovely toilet, better than mine at home - plus a necessity after a hard sweaty bout, a shower too.

But I still go back to the ring in my head. It's my favourite part of the building and something I look forward to using again and again.

And that's kind of the point. We are very lucky in the UK - and especially England that we have spaces like Walthamstow, High Barnet, Manchester, Grove Park and Stockwell to use and are lucky that the owners of them are able to make that profit and keep them going. After all, its a business not a charity.

But if we don't use them, we will all be doomed to use those hotel rooms to try our best to wrestle amongst the cramped space and crap furniture.

So don't forget to support them whichever one you use or prefer, if you don't use it, you lose it and the UK wrestling scene slowly dies ... and if you do, maybe they'll stay another day.

Sometimes a truth will hit you. It'll be a simple truth. Something that is so obvious that you feel a total idiot for not realising it sooner.

In my case, it happened when I was wrestling with ImtiazAli.

I was feeling a bit cocky at one point in my match with him because for a brief second, I had rolled him but then in the next second I was tied up in a hold and resisting the urge to tap ... I tapped :)

I said something, I can't remember exactly what but something along the lines that I thought I'd have him on the defence and suddenly I was. Again it's not verbatim his reply but along the lines that you should be defending when you attack and attacking when you defend.

Simple huh?
Never thought about it that way. In my head, I have always been one or the other - I either defend or attack. I have been binary in my thinking. That probably explains whenever I have lost the lockup, I lose the bout.

I guess I had been importing the pro concept of jobber/heel into my subs. Once I'm in defence, I become "jobber-like" where it becomes all about withstanding, resisting the attacks but with a general sense that I'm going to be defeated.

It was clear to me in that second that my mindset had been wrong. I wasnt so much valiantly fighting and accepting inevitable defeat but giving away my power and control.

This made me think of another match.

A while ago, too long ago, I was talking to another wrestler about type of matches I'd like to have or like to watch. (Messy/mud wrestling is still in there folks!) I'm not sure how or who mentioned it first, but a rope match was mentioned that soon lead to the dog and collar chain matches that I used to enjoy watching as a kid/teen/"yoof" and always wanted to be in ... so A led to B which leads to C which resulted in a collar being placed around mine and my opponent's neck. A chained together. I trusted the other guy, felt at ease with him or else I wouldn't have done it. He had some experience, I hadn't so was nervous but he had reassured me that as I was new to it, it'd be okay if I played gently, cautiously and wasn't swinging him around and tying him up in knots with the chain whilst I worked him over ;)

What does this have to do with ImtiazAli's earlier wisdom? My rigid thinking.

I had never really thought of myself as a heel. I'm too nice and wombly to be a heel. I don't have that mean streak, I'll apologise as I kick you around the ring. Genuinely got a sub, and said sorry recently. But here I was in the heel role. Half of me wanted to be on the other side of the chain, but the other half of me, "Thug Jon", was enjoying be in that position of power/control

And I know in the case of that chain match, it was a false sense of power and control. He was much stronger than me, better wrestler than me and probably up there in my top five of wrestlers if he wanted to win ;)

As I grew more confident with how the chain and chain matches worked. How the chains weight felt in my hand and how it moved as we wrestled. When i grew confident that I wasn't going to accidentally injure him badly. ( Think only i got the nasty surprise choke ... never put your knee on your half of the chain #toptip) Then the power was gradually flowing from him to me because i was more relaxed and confident. I was a little less of a pretend heel. I was taking charge not being given it by the end. I know next time, I'll be a proper "thug" a little bit earlier ;)

I have always thought of myself as someone who thought in grey but it turns out when it comes to wrestling I have been thinking in black and white. That hasn't helped me at all with my wrestling. I've been adopting roles not giving myself to the fight.

Subs wrestling is different to pro because whereas Pro is about exchanging power, in subs, you can't. If you are in defence, you can't stay defensive, look for that chink in the armour.

Every attack isn't just a moment to resist but an opportunity to turn it into an attack. Every connection is a vulnerability. An arm extended is a lever, an invitation to grab and lock. A shifting of position is a momentary loss of balance and readjustment. Don't give your power and control away. Defend looking for that hole of attack.

And the heel/jobber dichotomy has no place in subs. I'll have to rid myself of that thought.

Sorry, I rambled on. Again.